From “Mary Courage & Her Children”

MARY COURAGE is giving freshman Senators GREEN, SEASAW and DOVE a mathematics lesson on a chalkboard. MARY COURAGE goes in-depth about the figures on the whiteboard/chalkboard as the three senators intently listen.

MARY COURAGE
So, as you can see Senators, what we end up with is W times zero equals D, where W is war funding and D equals deaths . . . No, wait, hold on.  That doesn’t look right.  I forgot to carry the one.  And then to divide by one.  Instead of isolating D, we need to subtract W from it and move D to the other side of the equation by–

GREEN
Ms. Courage, this isn’t necessary.  I believe I can speak for us all when I say that math isn’t our strong suit.
(The senators agree.)
We just want to see the final numbers so we can determine if they’re too large to support.

MARY COURAGE
I can hardly believe this is your first year in Congress, Senator Green.  You speak with the wisdom of a 30-year veteran.

SEASAW
I can speak with wisdom, too.

DOVE
Me too.  Me too.

MARY COURAGE
Of course you can, Senator Seasaw, Senator Dove.
(MARY COURAGE always pronounces DOVE’s name with a long O, but then pronounces it correctly after DOVE corrects her.)

DOVE
Dove
(Pronounced like the bird.)

MARY COURAGE
Yes, Dove, of course.

GREEN
Um, how big are the numbers?

SEASAW
How big are they?

DOVE
How big are they?

MARY COURAGE
They’re small in terms of the price of safety, human life and freedom.

GREEN
And how much is that?

SEASAW and DOVE
Yeah?

MARY COURAGE
Let me just put it this way.  The more money that we spend, the fewer the number of people who die.  This doesn’t just apply to our boys over there.  This is especially true of the citizens.

GREEN
Why should we spend money to save them?  They’re our enemy.

MARY COURAGE
Senator, we’re talking about women and children here.  Peace-loving, innocent bystanders going to the market or going to school, those trying to rebuild the country that we destroyed.  Without our American presence these innocent people will surely die savage deaths in the crossfire of sectarian violence.  We must spend the money to put more troops on the ground, to buy more protection, to buy more weapons of peace.

GREEN
So if we spend nothing, everyone dies.  And if we spend a lot, nobody dies?

MARY COURAGE
You’ve got it!
(Sings.)
4 – 3 – 2 – 1
READY OR NOT, HERE WE COME!
TAKE YOUR TIME. WALK AROUND.
SOMETHING QUIET ‘BOUT THIS TOWN.

THE MOSQUE IS VACANT,
SOULS ARE LATENT.
CAN YOU HEAR THE SILENT SOUND?
WHY’S THERE NO ONE TO BE FOUND?

I’ll tell ya why.

THEY’RE ALL DEAD.
WE DIDN’T SPEND THE MONEY.
THEY’RE ALL DEAD
WE JUST CUT-AND-RUNNY.
THEY’RE ALL DEAD.
DON’T YOU FIND IT FUNNY.

WE’VE GOT THIS BLOOD ON OUR HANDS,
BUT THERE’S NOWHERE TO WASH
BECAUSE THE ARMOR-PLATED SINK IS
SOMETHING THAT YOU ALL QUASHED.

Not really a pretty picture, is it, senators?

GREEN
This sounds like a worse-case scenario to me.  I can think of a cheaper solution.

MARY COURAGE
Cheaper?  I’m all ears.

GREEN
What if there’s another way?  What if we empower them to take responsibility for their own nation, their own future?   After all, we’re not responsible for their security, for their policing of their own people.  They have to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and stand up for themselves.
(Sings.)
CAN-DO, CAN-DO
I THINK ARABS CAN-DO.
THEY BLOW THEMSELVES UP FOR ALLAH
YET CAN’T EVEN ENFORCE THEIR OWN LAW?

WE DON’T GIVE THEM ENOUGH CREDIT
SO YOUR CHORUS I MUST EDIT.
WE MUST GIVE THEM A CHANCE
TO THEIR OWN LIVES ENHANCE.

Hear me out now.

NO ONE’S DEAD.
THEY’RE ALL JUST FINE AND DANDY.
NO ONE’S DEAD.
TOGETHER THEY DID BANDY.
NO ONE’S DEAD.
THEY TOOK A PAGE FROM GANDHI.

FROM THEIR BOOTSTRAPS THEY PULLED
THEIR LIVES UP FROM BEING LOST.
NOW THE TERROR IS STIFLED,
AND IT CAME AT NO COST.

MARY COURAGE
(Sings.)
NO!  BOOM!  THEY’RE ALL DEAD!
WE DIDN’T SPEND THE MONEY!
THEY’RE ALL DEAD!
WE JUST CUT-AND-RUNNY
THEY’RE ALL DEAD!
DON’T YOU THINK IT’S FUNNY

TO SEE A MAN PULL HIS BOOTSTRAP
WHEN HIS FOOT’S BEEN BLOWN OFF?
NOW A BULLET’S HIS NIGHTCAP,
INSURGENT LEAD HE DOTH QUAFF.

SEASAW
(Sings.)
THE POINT OF THIS WAR
WAS TO PRE-EMPTIVE STRIKE,
NOT TO OPEN SOME DOOR
TO HELPING THOSE WE DON’T LIKE.

MARY COURAGE
(Sings.)
THE WAR IS NOT ABOUT US
OR AT LEAST IT’S NOT ANYMORE.
THE SUCCESS OF OUR MISSION
OPENED UP AN OLD SORE.

WE KEPT PICKING THE WOUND
UNTIL IT FINALLY BLED.
WE MUST STOP THE BLEEDING,
OR THEY’LL ALL END UP DEAD.

SEASAW
(Sings.)
IT’S NOT A QUESTION OF COMPASSION.

MARY COURAGE
(Sings.)
THEN TELL ME WHAT IT’S ABOUT.

SEASAW
(Sings.)
I CAN’T TELL YOU THAT FOR SURE.

MARY COURAGE
(Sings.)
UNTIL YOU SEE THE AMOUNT?

DOVE
(Sings.)
EVERYONE’S SINGING
‘CEPT FOR LITTLE OLD ME.
I’VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY
‘BOUT THE WAY THINGS SHOULD BE.

MARY COURAGE
(Sings.)
BEFORE YOU SING YOUR CHORUS, DEAR,
I’VE ONE SMALL REQUEST:
SAVE UP YOUR PLACATING VOICE;
IT’S IN PEACE THEY DO REST.

THEY’RE ALL DEAD!

SENATORS
(Sing.)
WE DIDN’T SPEND THE MONEY.

MARY COURAGE
(Sings.)
THEY’RE ALL DEAD!

SENATORS
(Sing.)
WE JUST CUT-AND-RUNNY.

MARY COURAGE
(Sings.)
THEY’RE ALL DEAD!

SENATORS
(Sing.)
DON’T YOU THINK IT’S FUNNY

MARY COURAGE
That we debate about life,
Who should be saved,
Who should be killed
Like gods passing judgment.

And what’s the overriding factor:
How much will we be billed?

It’s too late.  They’re all dead.