Recruited from Los Angeles by a top New York ad agency, a young copywriter learns things run a little differently in the big city. As his first assignment, Gruen must come up with the perfect pitch for selling an ice-cream-like treat made with the by-products of hydraulic fracturing to children in developing nations. If The Trust Corporation finds favor with his pitch, the company’s CEO will cut off a part of Gruen’s anatomy. The price of success makes Gruen want to fail, but the more experienced ad men, Cox, McDonalds, Pulater and Leach, work their motivational magic to persuade Gruen to become one with them in spirit. “Feng Shui for Cubists” has a running time of approximately 30 minutes.
Feng Shui for Cubists Synopsis
Dies Cast Overview
There are 5 roles in “Dies,” 2 for men and 3 for women. (The third woman, which is non-speaking, could possibly be played by a man). Vi’let and Flora are best suited for actresses between the ages of 30-45, but Sapphire’s role is generally ageless (although younger is more fitting). Clappy Kay is modeled after Robert Wilson, and is best suited for someone older than 40, although the age is not relevant with this role either. Thelma, the third woman, is elderly.
Dies Synopsis
Vi’let Wilsted, an aging regional leading lady, has landed an improbable call-back for the role of Juliet. When her lifelong rival Flora Dindle also shows up at the callback, Vi’let goes on the offensive to defend her rightful place, lying in state next to Romeo. The two are thrown for a loop when Sapphire Jones, a transvestite, enters the fray to audition for her lifelong dream of playing Juliet. The rivals become partners to defend a woman’s role against the threat of man, but they soon find that the greatest threat to them all is the demented, death-obsessed mind of method director Clappy Kay. The director puts the three Juliets through a series of exercises to prepare them for the biggest moment of their lives: their deaths. While the three show they want to die for this role, they discover Clappy has one more surprise waiting for them. Written in blank verse, “Dies” has a running time of less than 15 minutes.
Protecting Your Chi Through Commitment
From “Feng Shui for Cubists”
Senior copywriter McDONALDS and junior copywriter COX tell new copywriter GRUEN the importance of commitment at the advertising agency.
McDONALDS (to GRUEN)
My gut tells me you won’t be able to deliver when everything’s on the line. Here, we can convince you that the ability to talk to another person is the least important aspect of your mobile phone. Here, we will convince people that implanting GPS chips in their heads is an essential part of life, then we’ll tell their brains that if they turn right there’s a 50% discount on $1,000 worth of goods. We’ll do it through a jingle. We’ll do it through a catch phrase, a slogan. If you want a taste of that, you got to show commitment. You can’t be noncommittal when you need to convince people that things made in China are American. It will fuck your chi!
COX
Fuck it straight up.
McDONALDS
You got to go all in. People want to be led. They want to be told what to do in an individual way. And they, in turn, want you to know that they’ve done what you said. That they’re good. You can’t do that when you’re sitting on a fence. Your words will sound disingenuous. Doesn’t matter how good with words you think you are. They might sound good in your head where your little book is trapped, but words never come out the way you think you say them.
COX
I’m sure those love scenes in your romance novel won’t sound like they were written by a chronic masturbator. Not at all.
